Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings Review

Okay, you know what, there is a reason why I call myself the Movie Maniac. The meaning of this title goes two ways. First way, I see a movie that I like so much that it turns me into a maniac, in which I can't stop talking about it. Second way, I see a movie that is so bad that it drives me insane! I thought I would be fair, and post a negative review on here for once because I care about the sanity of movie goers.
When I was a young teenager, I remember walking into Wal-Mart, and digging for treasure in the $5 movie bin. Back then, these bins contained some of the worst movies ever! My mom picked up a DVD, and it's cover struck me, mainly because of the positive comments by film critics printed right on it. One comment said, and I quote, "A fantasy epic in the tradition of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings" - Science Fiction Chronicle. At first, I was like um maybe they are trying too hard. Maybe this film is good, but they are just giving it too much hype. Well, I was right about one thing, THEY WERE TRYING TOO HARD! The main reason being that this movie, is one of the worst, if not the worst fantasy movie I have ever seen in my entire life! Yes it is bad! I don't know how much money this Science Fiction Chronicle got paid to write a positive review for this movie, but man what movie were they watching? I mean it really amazes me how bad this movie is. I am going to give a brief summary of this movie, and then I am going to try to get through the rest of it by saying what I hate about it, but believe me, I am trying really hard to figure out why I am reviewing this movie, but it is too late now, No turning back.....whew. Let the negative mania begin! This is Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings.

Now, I want you to take a good look at this poster. Looks intriguing doesn't it? I mean I thought so. I really thought so. I gave it a chance, and I regret it completely! This movie was released on video in 2002, and centers around the story of a young boy who receives a magic book of spells that takes him into the generic fairy world with elves, trolls, and a horribly annoying, ridiculous, over-the-stop, stupid, STUPID villain named Lord Dagda, (the horned idiot on the top of the poster). Dagda? It sounds like a sound I make when I am coughing! But this villain, if that's what you want to call him, makes annoying sounds that I would not even use for prank calling. After every line he either laughs, or goes "AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I am not kidding. Oh, and by the way, notice I am not mentioning the actors' names, and you should know why because this movie sucks! I don't want to know these people for making this ridiculous garbage. Anyway, Max goes between this fairy world back to the real word trying to figure out how to stop Dagda, and that is about it. I don't want to go any further in fear that I might lost my mind!

LIKES

• I might be biased but ABSOLUTELY NO LIKES! I like that I have not watched this movie since that horrible day!

DISLIKES

• Ohh where do I begin? The acting is horrible. No one saves this movie. You can tell that these actors were not getting paid a lot, so they didn't really care. In fact, I bet the director was like, " I am going to turn the camera on, and go get some sandwiches. You guys just stay here and make the movie without me. Figure out how to act on your own!" I know this is a video release, so what can you expect, but seriously, put some effort into it please?! I have seen plants that act better than these people, and they barely move!
• The costumes are stupid, there is actually an elf in the beginning where you can CLEARLY see that he is wearing tennis shoes! TENNIS SHOES! I am sorry, I did not know that mythical creatures knew what tennis shoes were. Plus, apparently elves bleed green! Ugh! I am going to have a migraine after this review. I cannot even find still images from this movie. That is how bad this movie is!
• I completely dislike the hype that the cover gives off! LIARS! It even says that it won film festivals? How was this movie even allowed at a festival? If I saw this movie in a festival, I would tear the screen down, and have it sterilized because this garbage ruins any TV screen or movie screen that it appears on!
• I don't like that the director thought that just because you have mystical beings, and magic in a movie DOES NOT, I repeat DOES NOT mean that you are going to have a good success. It is called originality! And how dare you compare yourself to Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings! At least these franchises actually had, oh I don't know GOOD ACTING! This film is not even fit to be on the same shelf at those two franchises! In fact, I think I am going to go home, find that DVD, and put it in a dark, cold box, where it will never be able to make anyone angry again!

Now, you are probably still wondering, why review a straight to DVD movie? Well, here is why, because I personally do not like these kind of movies. I am really trying to figure why these movies are even allowed to be sold in stores. I am sure that there is a legitimate reason that has something to do with money, but it really just flabbergasts me! I am sick and tired of the business aspect of movies overshadowing the point of movies These kind of movies are a disgrace in the industry because movies are all about entertainment, and good acting. When you ruin these goals, you waste money that could spent on better movies, or heck even philanthropic causes. Yes, I know, there will always be bad movies, but this one.....THIS ONE STUPID EXCUSE FOR A MOVIE is really bad! I also really wanted to show that I am going to review both good and bad movies on here just to show how this industry works, and what was green lighted. Sometimes, you get masterpieces, and other times you get crap like Max Magician and the Legend of the STUPID STUPID fairly pretty pretty world, Home of the AGHHHH Dagda villain! Avoid this movie like your life depended on it. Some of you are going to watch it anyway. Well guess what, it's your funeral!

OVERALL Well you should by now right? This movie sucks!
RATING 0.125/10 Yeah that's right I used a decimal

Tune in next time where I promise I will review a critically acclaimed movie! Thanks for tuning in!

The Monster Squad Review

Okay I decided to move back to the horror genre for this next review, but this film just happens to be a horror-comedy! How's that for a change? And I am jumping into the 80s. I know I'm jumping all over the place, but that's kind of what I do, considering I am a movie maniac! Anyway, this week's film is a keeper because it does a similar strategy to what House of Dracula, or House of Frankenstein did, but in a quirky and creative sort of way. I am of course talking about Fred Dekker's The Monster Squad. Every person that I have described this film to has heard the following comparison from me: This film is like The Goonies with movie monsters. This is not a bad thing at all. In fact, I find it to be very clever in a way that not only is the film gaining a younger audience with children being involved, but the classic horror movie monsters are being immortalized even more at the same time. Plus, the monsters are just incredible, and we can thank the late great Stan Winston for them. In my opinion, these monsters are underrated, and not talked about enough. I feel like the Predator, and the Terminator are talked about more, but this film had some great monsters designs, and I will definitely be sure to discuss this further in the review. Let's not wait any longer. It is time for monster movie mania. It's The Monster Squad!

The Monster Squad was released in 1987. The plot is basically this, after 100 years, Dracula, played by Duncan Regehr, the Wolfman, the Mummy, Gillman, and Frankenstein's monster, played by Tom Noonan have returned and are looking to destroy an amulet which will upset the balance between good and evil, and there is only one group of masterminds that can stop them, a group of vicious middle school kids and a not so Scary German Guy! The whole film centers around The Monster Squad which includes Sean (Andre Gower), Patrick (Robby Kiger), Horace (Brent Chalem), Rudy (Ryan Lambert), Eugene (Michael Faustino), and Phoebe (Ashley Bank). And, of course, what would this movie be without Scary German Guy played by Leonardo Cimino.

Scary German Guy

LIKES

• I mentioned it earlier, and I will say it again, the monsters are incredible! I mean really check these guys out!

 

Winston did an amazing job with the make-up and creature costumes! I mean look at Gillman! Look at him! He is just awesome in his scary glory, and the Wolfman isn't half bad either! Winston tried to re-imagine these characters in a way, and boy did he succeed!

• The Monster Squad is really cool! I especially like the fact that this film shows how kids handle monsters. No adults will believe them except for Scary German Guy. The kids run the show, and it is really intriguing to see how they take on these horror icons!
• You know those 80's montages? Well, there is one in here, and it is awesome! I don't know, there is just something about it that really gets me excited for the showdown with the monsters.
• Okay, so there is this fat kid in the movie named Horace, and he is awesome! He has some of the funniest lines in the movie actually!

My name.......is Horace!

 DISLIKES

• My biggest dislike of this movie is that it is too short! It is not even an hour and a half! It doesn't have to be over two hours to keep my attention, but you could add some minutes onto the film! Plus, sometimes, it seems like the monsters aren't given enough screen time, and then they are just killed off quickly. For example, we see the mummy in like three scenes, and then he finally attacks the squad, and he is killed in like 2 minutes! Gillman didn't seem to be utilized that much as well. Why? He is so cool! I wish they would have shown him fight more. It really seemed to be more about the Wolfman, which is cool, but unfair at the same time!
• Phoebe is super annoying in this movie! I know little girls are supposed to be cute and loveable, but she tests my patience way too much. The only good scene with her in it is when Dracula picks her up by her face, and scares the living crap out of her, but that still doesn;' save her as a character. Her purpose seems to be just to annoy people.

Phoebe looking scared!

OVERALL
This movie is awesome, especially if you are a monster fan like me! It is an oldie, but a goodie, and I recommend it if you are looking a for something scary and funny!

RATING 7/10 Yeah it could be longer, which would give the monsters more screen time, but hey it still deserves a high rating for the quality of the monsters.

That is it from me this week! Continue to follow along each week from me the Movie Maniac! The mania goes on and on!

DragonHeart Review

Okay I am jumping back into the fantasy genre with a film that was released in the mid-90s. Now, is this an absolutely perfect film, no. To be honest, no movie is perfect. Every film has its flaws, even the Oscar-winning ones. They are made by people, and people make mistakes. It's a part of life, but it is my job as well as your job to truly appreciate or not appreciate the vision, and the story that a film presents. Now sometimes the mistakes can overshadow the story, but I digress. Anyway, today I will be talking about a film that does have a lot of heart, and it is ironically called DragonHeart, directed by Rob Cohen. So let the mania begin once again. Let's fly right into DragonHeart.

DragonHeart was released in 1996 and stars Dennis Quaid, David Thewlis, the late Pete Postlethwaite, Dina Meyer, and of course the voice of Sean Connery. So, this is basically how to the story goes, Quaid stars as Bowen, a knight of the old code, who's job is to train Einon, the son of an evil king who slaughters innocent people. Einon will one day be king, and Bowen tries to teach the old ways of King Arthur in order for him to be a good and better king than his own father. Einon actually gets his chance after his father is killed in battle. However, something happens that puts a small damper on things. Einon accidentally gets shoved by a young girl causing him to stab himself in the heart. So, Bowen takes Einon back to the castle where his mother, the queen, tries to figure out how to save him. Einon's mother decides to take him to a great and wise dragon voiced by Connery. Apparently dragons have the ability to remove half of their hearts to save the life of a person. Well, guess what, the dragon decides to give Einon half of his heart after making him swear that he will be a good king.
So what do you think happens? Isn't it obvious? Einon is actually no better than his father, and becomes even worse than him. Bowen, however, decides to be naive, and thinks that the dragon's heart is bewitched, causing Einon to become evil. This is definitely not the case, but Bowen makes a vow that he will kill this particular dragon as well as every dragon that ever lived.

Thewlis as King Einon

Twelve years go by, and he succeeds killing all of the other dragons except for the one dragon that gave Einon half of his heart. From this point on, the dragon and Bowen eventually work together to trick the people into thinking there are more dragons than just him. Bowen also runs into a priest (Postlethwaite) who basically treats Bowen like a god, which can get creepy at times, especially when he write poems about him! Then, the motives change, and Bowen decides to lead an army to stop Einon for good, and realizes that Einon has always been an evil king. I really do not want to give away the ending because it would definitely spoil it for you. I will only say that the dragon and Einon are linked together. Hopefully, that makes sense for you. The plot was a little more complex this time because there was a lot more time spanned in this film.

Draco

LIKES

• Connery is awesome in this movie. He brings to life to the CGIed dragon, and really adds depth to its motivations by speaking about why he gave Einon the half heart. 
• Thewlis plays a great villain, and shows how ruthless Einon has always been. You can also tell that he is drunk with power, and is not afraid to shove it around.
• The score is great, especially the piece used in the ending. It almost, ALMOST, makes me shed a tear. 
•  Quaid surprised me in this film. I would say that this is one of the last films where he was actually trying to play a good role. He showed how much love he really had for Einon when he was teaching him, and how heartbroken he was when he found out that Einon never really listened to him. So, from that point on, Bowen was just willing to give up everything that he taught because he felt liked he failed as a mentor.

Quaid as Bowen

DISLIKES

• I didn't mention Postlethwaite's character a lot, part of the reason being was I was sick and tired of typing his last name! But, the more important part was, I cannot stand him in this movie! All he does is recite poetry, and can really be an annoyance and a liability. The only time where I could really stomach him was when he learned how to fight, but that still could not save him. He was just trying too hard to be a deep poet, and he turned into a clown basically. He kind of reminded me of a clown that constantly follows you around trying to make you balloon animals and stuff. Postl... wait you know who I mean, constantly follows Bowen saying, "Should I write you a poem?" "He is the greatest dragon slayer there ever was!" Blah blah blah! So, I am basically saying that I didn't care for the priest.

Postlethwaite....last time I type his name!

• Another actress I didn't like was Dina Meyer. She just seemed like she was over the top a lot, especially when she was arguing with Einon. I didn't feel like her motives were true enough.

OVERALL I give this film a 7/10. It is not the best of the fantasy/adventure genre, but you can really tell that the actors put as much heart as they could into the film. If you like dragons, and action, go ahead and check it out. I don't think you will be disappointed, and go ahead and fast forward through the scenes with Pos...you know who, and figure out just how not important his character is.

Thanks for reading! Keep following me, and I will be back next week with a new review!